the days we had were good, the joy we experienced were valuable and the love we possessed were nurturing. yet as love gathers, love also divides... as roads converge, roads also diverge and our paths are no longer similar. our stories became history and our presence together void. i understand you have to go and i won't fault you. i can't, for i know that you have spent fractions of you life with me willingly. i only fault myself for not able to keep you longer.
do you remember i said that i can't stop the world from liking you? i omitted that neither can i stop you from leaving me... why are tears streaming from my eyes now? could i endure the pain of you leaving me? i do not know... i can only perceive that you have left my side, abandoned our love; however i do not wish to stop you. not because i do not cherish you but rather, i love you so much i trust that you deserve more than just me.
remember me not, i'm nothing more than a speck of dust lingering for a gust of wind to erase me from your memory. please do not recall my existence; this is my only plea... for maybe one day, just perhaps... if we should ever meet again, you might love me all over again like someone you never knew.
this is my only hope... i wish you well as you embark on a new journey in life, i bid you farewell. Goodbye...
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Love; a funny predicament
Love; something we all wish to have, something we all hope to be in... but love is a funny predicament. to be in love is to sacrifice yourself for love. may it be emotions, may it be time, it may be anything that you possessed but you have to sacrifice something eventually. i was watching HBO's "something's gotta give" about a female writer writing a book based on her life and the men that she was involved with. this is not "sex in the city" kind of movie and the writer is nothing similar to her counterpart. nope, she was a well-respected 50 year old women, powerful in her writing yet a simple gal in heart. of course, she's divorced and single... until her daughter brought her boyfriend, a 60 year old businessman home one day for a gathering.
night falls and the "children" tried to have sex, the man has a heart-attack and had to recuperate at the writer's place for a few days... time passed and the writer and her daughter's boyfriend fell in love, blah blah blah... fast forward, the guy is well, had to leave for the city for business... she misses him, went to the city for her daughter's sake just for the sake of it, fate decides she should see the guy with another younger woman... she sad, yet told him she loves him, he's shocked and not sure if he loves her. the writer's heart-brokened, left in a jiffy. he stood still as he sees her left in a cab, had a heart attack... found out that he loves her after a while...
6 months later, decide to look for her in paris, found her in a resturant with another man, his doctor... (typical) was happy for her. had a small birthday celebration together with the couple since they all knew each other, they parted ways after dinner. he decides to leave for good, sad blah blah blah... stood by the bridge crying and then she appeared and told him she still loves him, they kissed... happily ever after... ending part, 4 1/2 people having dinner together. the writer, the writer's daughter and husband with their baby and the old businessman. love; a funny predicament. summary of the movie?
fall in love at your own risk. ladies and gentlemen, have a terrific week ahead and hope love finds you when you require love.
night falls and the "children" tried to have sex, the man has a heart-attack and had to recuperate at the writer's place for a few days... time passed and the writer and her daughter's boyfriend fell in love, blah blah blah... fast forward, the guy is well, had to leave for the city for business... she misses him, went to the city for her daughter's sake just for the sake of it, fate decides she should see the guy with another younger woman... she sad, yet told him she loves him, he's shocked and not sure if he loves her. the writer's heart-brokened, left in a jiffy. he stood still as he sees her left in a cab, had a heart attack... found out that he loves her after a while...
6 months later, decide to look for her in paris, found her in a resturant with another man, his doctor... (typical) was happy for her. had a small birthday celebration together with the couple since they all knew each other, they parted ways after dinner. he decides to leave for good, sad blah blah blah... stood by the bridge crying and then she appeared and told him she still loves him, they kissed... happily ever after... ending part, 4 1/2 people having dinner together. the writer, the writer's daughter and husband with their baby and the old businessman. love; a funny predicament. summary of the movie?
fall in love at your own risk. ladies and gentlemen, have a terrific week ahead and hope love finds you when you require love.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Goodbye
"in life, we celebrate the birth of a child and mourn the death of love ones. in life, we are slaves to the world, yet in life we are also master of our own fates, to a certain extent" - unknown
today we cremated the body of my grandfather, today we celebrated his life which ended due to illnesses. today i see myself changed... emotionally and mentally. today, my self-preservation mechanism activated when they pushed my grandpa into the furnace. today i rejected the idea of love... why love when it's going to end up hurting you? today Lucifer, the fallen angel shove this ideaology to me, "to love is to get hurt". somehow i would agree with him... to love is to be venerable to pain and suffering. Mother Theresa once said before she died, "to love whole-heartedly, one has to love till it hurts". all these came into my mind as they closed the door behind grandpa... but i didn't really cry. really, i swear i didn't cry... i have rejected all trace of emotions, i refused to let myself feel slaved to emotions and tears. i became another person that i feared becoming from the very beginning. i became my alter ego that existed ever since i experienced life. i became emotionless to protect myself... i'm tired right now, i wish to take a nap... goodnight ladies and gentlemen, Andrew has left the building...
today we cremated the body of my grandfather, today we celebrated his life which ended due to illnesses. today i see myself changed... emotionally and mentally. today, my self-preservation mechanism activated when they pushed my grandpa into the furnace. today i rejected the idea of love... why love when it's going to end up hurting you? today Lucifer, the fallen angel shove this ideaology to me, "to love is to get hurt". somehow i would agree with him... to love is to be venerable to pain and suffering. Mother Theresa once said before she died, "to love whole-heartedly, one has to love till it hurts". all these came into my mind as they closed the door behind grandpa... but i didn't really cry. really, i swear i didn't cry... i have rejected all trace of emotions, i refused to let myself feel slaved to emotions and tears. i became another person that i feared becoming from the very beginning. i became my alter ego that existed ever since i experienced life. i became emotionless to protect myself... i'm tired right now, i wish to take a nap... goodnight ladies and gentlemen, Andrew has left the building...
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Last Stand
today, thursday the 9th of June will be the last night before the cremation on friday... tonight i presume will be the hardest to pass as almost the whole family will be spending the night together at the funeral wake. the female grandchildren have already planned to play mahjong the whole night through, the male ones are preparing to play midnight football at the field next to the wake. sounds like a happy gathering? yes it should... tonight we celebrate the ending of a great man's life. a man who even though suffered unbelievable pain uttered nothing even at the last moment.
but i have heard funny stories about ah gong at the wake these few days... example? few months backed, ah gong was again hospitalised due to some infection and he asked his maid to sing a song. okay, we all know she can't sing but we can't fault her for trying right? so she sang and sang and then ah gong suddenly said to her in his breathless yet strong words, "stop, stop! don't sing liao, later i 'hump thump' you". he even clenched his fist and motioned at her stating his disapproval on her singing. this really made me laugh so loud, people was staring at this grandson who is supposed to be mourning. ah gong can be quite a comical figure with his usual, "i'll humpthumb you" threat to the maid... really, if you know him...
yesterday night, ah gong came back to visit us... seriously, he did... don't believe me? i can't say much if you don't but all of us are certained he came back as a moth. imagine this scenerio, a white moth, very unique and beautiful appeared out of nowhere, flew around the flowers and then suddenly landed right on top of ah gong's coffin. right in the middle of the casket and i mean MIDDLE. even when we gathered around it, it just stood motionless there and after an hour or so when no one's looking, disappeared... he came back to see his family... he came back to see grandma who is suffering the most right now. we all know...
anyway, i'm ending my blog this morning... i'll say thanks to all of you for bearing with this blog's nonsense these few weeks and i hope that all mankind out that, please cherish those you love and do not take them for granted when they are still alive. they may not be here tomorrow...
but i have heard funny stories about ah gong at the wake these few days... example? few months backed, ah gong was again hospitalised due to some infection and he asked his maid to sing a song. okay, we all know she can't sing but we can't fault her for trying right? so she sang and sang and then ah gong suddenly said to her in his breathless yet strong words, "stop, stop! don't sing liao, later i 'hump thump' you". he even clenched his fist and motioned at her stating his disapproval on her singing. this really made me laugh so loud, people was staring at this grandson who is supposed to be mourning. ah gong can be quite a comical figure with his usual, "i'll humpthumb you" threat to the maid... really, if you know him...
yesterday night, ah gong came back to visit us... seriously, he did... don't believe me? i can't say much if you don't but all of us are certained he came back as a moth. imagine this scenerio, a white moth, very unique and beautiful appeared out of nowhere, flew around the flowers and then suddenly landed right on top of ah gong's coffin. right in the middle of the casket and i mean MIDDLE. even when we gathered around it, it just stood motionless there and after an hour or so when no one's looking, disappeared... he came back to see his family... he came back to see grandma who is suffering the most right now. we all know...
anyway, i'm ending my blog this morning... i'll say thanks to all of you for bearing with this blog's nonsense these few weeks and i hope that all mankind out that, please cherish those you love and do not take them for granted when they are still alive. they may not be here tomorrow...
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Let it be...
My Personal, Irrational Blog To My Grandfather - Gabriel Nguan
Grandpa, what were you like when you were young, this i do not know. what do you like to do when you were in your teens this i have no clue. the only knowledge of your past are stories told by my father and grandmother. all i know about you is only after i was born, me a spawn of you in scientific terms. but yet, it was enough for me to know you love us all, your grandchildren to the very extent that you were willing to fight the very battle till you see us all.
"ah gong", do you remember that you always, always rub my legs for me when i came home battered with bruises and sprains? do you remember that when we were eating peanuts together, you always give me the "red" ones? do you remember me and Dorinda's favourite line when we were kids? "ah gong nue kag" (meaning - "grandpa, twenty cents") and i cannot forget the very magnifying glass you gave me... an identical one that you always use to read your newspaper. ah gong... i know you had to go... but i really didn't want you to go... i want to go catch crabs with you and my father... i want to see you cast nets for fishing... (daddy told me that ah gong is an accomplished fisherman) i still want to see you when i take bus 56 home from bishan. (ah gong was a bus driver for many many years) there are still so many things i don't wish to let go... ah gong, i'm selfish... i know... ah gong, you were always so quiet... even in death you were still so quiet... so quiet i didn't know you were gone until Uncle Peter told me... ah gong... i'm sorry... i wasn't the best of grandson... ah gong... there are so many things to say but it doesn't mean anything now.
ah gong... i know it's only a matter of time when we will meet again. we must be strong to carry on... living the reminder of our days in accordance to God's law if we want to see you again in Heaven. i look forward to you teaching me how to mend and cast nets, of course together with your son Anthony, my dad along. the 3 of us will go fishing everyday, catching crabs and prawns and pluck wild fruits together. maybe if the rest of the Nguans wishes to follow us, why not? we will have a family outing together in Heaven... haha, all this in my imagination right now...
ah gong, don't make yourself too comfortable upstairs hor... ah lu (which is me, Andrew = ah lu because ah gong cannot pronouce Andrew) is coming to irriatate you very soon. we will have peanuts and watch the news together... and you've have to rub my legs for me again once i've beaten the Angel Football Club every now and then. Soccer in heaven, hahaha... ah gong, rest well... we will meet again, this i assure you.
Your Grandson "Ah Lu"
The Beatles - Let It Be
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Grandpa, what were you like when you were young, this i do not know. what do you like to do when you were in your teens this i have no clue. the only knowledge of your past are stories told by my father and grandmother. all i know about you is only after i was born, me a spawn of you in scientific terms. but yet, it was enough for me to know you love us all, your grandchildren to the very extent that you were willing to fight the very battle till you see us all.
"ah gong", do you remember that you always, always rub my legs for me when i came home battered with bruises and sprains? do you remember that when we were eating peanuts together, you always give me the "red" ones? do you remember me and Dorinda's favourite line when we were kids? "ah gong nue kag" (meaning - "grandpa, twenty cents") and i cannot forget the very magnifying glass you gave me... an identical one that you always use to read your newspaper. ah gong... i know you had to go... but i really didn't want you to go... i want to go catch crabs with you and my father... i want to see you cast nets for fishing... (daddy told me that ah gong is an accomplished fisherman) i still want to see you when i take bus 56 home from bishan. (ah gong was a bus driver for many many years) there are still so many things i don't wish to let go... ah gong, i'm selfish... i know... ah gong, you were always so quiet... even in death you were still so quiet... so quiet i didn't know you were gone until Uncle Peter told me... ah gong... i'm sorry... i wasn't the best of grandson... ah gong... there are so many things to say but it doesn't mean anything now.
ah gong... i know it's only a matter of time when we will meet again. we must be strong to carry on... living the reminder of our days in accordance to God's law if we want to see you again in Heaven. i look forward to you teaching me how to mend and cast nets, of course together with your son Anthony, my dad along. the 3 of us will go fishing everyday, catching crabs and prawns and pluck wild fruits together. maybe if the rest of the Nguans wishes to follow us, why not? we will have a family outing together in Heaven... haha, all this in my imagination right now...
ah gong, don't make yourself too comfortable upstairs hor... ah lu (which is me, Andrew = ah lu because ah gong cannot pronouce Andrew) is coming to irriatate you very soon. we will have peanuts and watch the news together... and you've have to rub my legs for me again once i've beaten the Angel Football Club every now and then. Soccer in heaven, hahaha... ah gong, rest well... we will meet again, this i assure you.
Your Grandson "Ah Lu"
The Beatles - Let It Be
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Sunday, June 05, 2005
End Product
today's topic is "End Product"... everything in life has an "End Product". what do i mean? simple; when we enter University, what is our goal? to get a degree or Honours right? that is the end product. when we play warcraft, what is the goal? to beat the enemy and win the game, see? end product. when we go into R&D of something, what is our goal? to create something end of the day... end product... but what about life? when we enter life itself, what is the end product? what is the end of the tunnel? what is the climax of life? is it financial invincibility? is it the conquest of a hundred women? i think it's death itself. before we even come to this world, we all know where we are going to end up at the end of the day... 6 feet under or just ashes... we all know we are going to die eventually. maybe "how" is the question we should ask ourselves.
do you wish to die rich? do you wish to die young? do you wish to die with your love ones around you? do you wish to die famous? do you wish to die happily and painless? but should we even care? we are going to be dead for goodness sake. does dying in another way change anything? big picture: WE ARE DEAD anyway. should we really bother?
anyway, today is the 2nd day of the long process my grandpa has to endure before the Angel of God comes and receive him. we all know his time is ending very soon... only Jesus or a miracle can save him now... which seriously, i am not too excited about. Death is an end product that we humans have to receive happily... or gracefully. today i'm blogging happily at this moment, tomorrow i may not be here anymore... that's how fragile life can be... i have seen a large monitor lizard taking his last breath and "sayonara" but i have never seen a human dies in front of me. maybe that will change within the next 5 days. so as what japanese always say when they wish to meet you again, "ja, mata aimasho ne".
do you wish to die rich? do you wish to die young? do you wish to die with your love ones around you? do you wish to die famous? do you wish to die happily and painless? but should we even care? we are going to be dead for goodness sake. does dying in another way change anything? big picture: WE ARE DEAD anyway. should we really bother?
anyway, today is the 2nd day of the long process my grandpa has to endure before the Angel of God comes and receive him. we all know his time is ending very soon... only Jesus or a miracle can save him now... which seriously, i am not too excited about. Death is an end product that we humans have to receive happily... or gracefully. today i'm blogging happily at this moment, tomorrow i may not be here anymore... that's how fragile life can be... i have seen a large monitor lizard taking his last breath and "sayonara" but i have never seen a human dies in front of me. maybe that will change within the next 5 days. so as what japanese always say when they wish to meet you again, "ja, mata aimasho ne".
Friday, June 03, 2005
Perception
Benson sent me this email 3 days ago (again bro, sorry for not reading it immediately. been a little busy with stuffs and such) it says this which makes me a little more conscious;
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I
am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make
you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
4. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is
falling in love with your smile.
5. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the
world.
6. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste
their time on you.
7. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
8. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to
do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next
time around.
9. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and
know someone else and expect them to know you.
10. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them
to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
it's exactly 3rd of June 2005, 6.50 am in the morning and i miss my purple butterfly... wonder where has it flew to and if it did think of me.
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I
am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make
you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
4. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is
falling in love with your smile.
5. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the
world.
6. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste
their time on you.
7. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
8. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to
do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next
time around.
9. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and
know someone else and expect them to know you.
10. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them
to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
it's exactly 3rd of June 2005, 6.50 am in the morning and i miss my purple butterfly... wonder where has it flew to and if it did think of me.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Reality
today's lesson starts at 10 am but i only woke up around 9... what happened? well, you can say the "dream master" kept me busy last night. i had a recollection of my past and unknown all at once. people i've lost, people i've missed and people i do not know all came and paid me a visit last night. even the alarm clock at 6 didn't really woke up me. i mean i did get up, walked to the clock, picked it up, turn it over, switched off the alarm, walked back to the side of my bed, did a dive which will make all world class divers proud, covered my head with my pillow and entered dreamland once more.
most unforgettable scene? seeing Hong Jia... we were both at Toa Payoh Interchange (the very old one) and we were trying to board the bus when we realised that we were standing next to each other. imagine two person, shocked, staring at each other, dumbfolded and just frozed in their tracks blocking the passage of other commuters. of course we ended up talking about old times and how have we been since we've parted but seriously, i have no recollection of our conversation. i must say that "seeing" her again was weird but nice nonetheless. i have almost forgotten all about my past since my last surgery. it was said that everytime you undergo a surgery, memory cells die and you'll forget things easily. this has been very true for me and since i've gone through 9 surgeris, you can be sure my memory is faltering every single day. if i don't recognise you if you see me on the street next time, please excuse me. anyway, back to my dream... hey, er... what am i doing now? why am i here? who am i? what is this thing on my monitor? nevermind, it doesn't work this way. it's gradual process, not an instant "hit" kind.
Life, something that even scientists can't prove it's real history. why can some people still survive after a horrible accident? i read from news a few years back about a man amazingly survived even after been severed from waist down after an industrial accident. his will to live is unbelievable and i also believe that God doesn't want him to die yet... yet some people like to play God... my father, uncles and aunties just did... they've just sign my grandpa's death certificate. alright, before i make my family sounds like cold-blooded murderers, let me tell you the true story...
my grandpa has diabetes, liver problem, respirtory problems and seriously, on the brink of death. the only thing that kept him alive is constant dialysis which i know is of consistent suffering to him. yet, yet... i wish not to lose him... anyway, they have decided to stop the dialysis which means death is inevitable. maximum length of lifespan is 1 week... 1 week to prepare to say goodbye forever... 1 week to prepare for the inevitable... 1 frustrating week before i lose my grandfather... but during this 1 week, how am i supposed to face my grandpa? how am i supposed to feel? how am i supposed to pretend that everything is fine? 1 week is all i have to spend my "eternity" with him. 1 week... but now he doesn't even recognise me anymore. he may respond when we call him but seriously, he does not know who we are. he does not know Andrew, his grandson anymore... today i end my blog with a prayer;
"Lord, have mercy on my grandpa's soul. we know his time is up soon and all i have to say is please bring his soul to heaven with you. he has served his penance and paid his due for his sins. Lord Jesus, brother of mine... i have followed you for all my life though i have never been the most faithful and kind. i pray that you'll have pity on my grandpa who also have served you all his life. he has been faithful, loyal and always prayed whole-heartedly. Lord, my brother... pardon my grandpa."
"Mother Mary, mother of us all, your son is almost at the gates of heaven... he has always been faithful to the rosary, loyal to the Church and loyal to you. Mother Mary, i pray that you'll intercede with our Father to be lenient to my grandpa during his trial when he stands in front of our Father. Mother, i always come to you when things are hard to bear and i come to you again, in prayer to pray for my grandpa, amen."
most unforgettable scene? seeing Hong Jia... we were both at Toa Payoh Interchange (the very old one) and we were trying to board the bus when we realised that we were standing next to each other. imagine two person, shocked, staring at each other, dumbfolded and just frozed in their tracks blocking the passage of other commuters. of course we ended up talking about old times and how have we been since we've parted but seriously, i have no recollection of our conversation. i must say that "seeing" her again was weird but nice nonetheless. i have almost forgotten all about my past since my last surgery. it was said that everytime you undergo a surgery, memory cells die and you'll forget things easily. this has been very true for me and since i've gone through 9 surgeris, you can be sure my memory is faltering every single day. if i don't recognise you if you see me on the street next time, please excuse me. anyway, back to my dream... hey, er... what am i doing now? why am i here? who am i? what is this thing on my monitor? nevermind, it doesn't work this way. it's gradual process, not an instant "hit" kind.
Life, something that even scientists can't prove it's real history. why can some people still survive after a horrible accident? i read from news a few years back about a man amazingly survived even after been severed from waist down after an industrial accident. his will to live is unbelievable and i also believe that God doesn't want him to die yet... yet some people like to play God... my father, uncles and aunties just did... they've just sign my grandpa's death certificate. alright, before i make my family sounds like cold-blooded murderers, let me tell you the true story...
my grandpa has diabetes, liver problem, respirtory problems and seriously, on the brink of death. the only thing that kept him alive is constant dialysis which i know is of consistent suffering to him. yet, yet... i wish not to lose him... anyway, they have decided to stop the dialysis which means death is inevitable. maximum length of lifespan is 1 week... 1 week to prepare to say goodbye forever... 1 week to prepare for the inevitable... 1 frustrating week before i lose my grandfather... but during this 1 week, how am i supposed to face my grandpa? how am i supposed to feel? how am i supposed to pretend that everything is fine? 1 week is all i have to spend my "eternity" with him. 1 week... but now he doesn't even recognise me anymore. he may respond when we call him but seriously, he does not know who we are. he does not know Andrew, his grandson anymore... today i end my blog with a prayer;
"Lord, have mercy on my grandpa's soul. we know his time is up soon and all i have to say is please bring his soul to heaven with you. he has served his penance and paid his due for his sins. Lord Jesus, brother of mine... i have followed you for all my life though i have never been the most faithful and kind. i pray that you'll have pity on my grandpa who also have served you all his life. he has been faithful, loyal and always prayed whole-heartedly. Lord, my brother... pardon my grandpa."
"Mother Mary, mother of us all, your son is almost at the gates of heaven... he has always been faithful to the rosary, loyal to the Church and loyal to you. Mother Mary, i pray that you'll intercede with our Father to be lenient to my grandpa during his trial when he stands in front of our Father. Mother, i always come to you when things are hard to bear and i come to you again, in prayer to pray for my grandpa, amen."
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Solitary
normal lessons ended today at 12 pm and the next lesson i have is at 5 pm. so what can i do within these 5 hours? what should i do? should i sleep? should i laze around? should i read? should i study? should i surf the net, should i write my blog? i decided to do the latter... playing on the PC now is Jason Marz's "You and I". it's almost my all time favourite English "break-up" song. it goes from describing the love they had to the love they lost.
my favourite line goes like, "and it's okay if you had to go away. oh just remember that the telephones are working on both ways. but if i never ever hear them ring, if nothing else i think that the bell inside you have found you someone else and that's okay cos' i remember everything you'd say."
inspiration is what this song gives me... and i understand that sometimes in life, one must give up love to find love. but how many of us are willing to give up a love that we hold so dearly? i end now, at 1 pm to enjoy this song again... ladies and gentlemen, love has left the building.
my favourite line goes like, "and it's okay if you had to go away. oh just remember that the telephones are working on both ways. but if i never ever hear them ring, if nothing else i think that the bell inside you have found you someone else and that's okay cos' i remember everything you'd say."
inspiration is what this song gives me... and i understand that sometimes in life, one must give up love to find love. but how many of us are willing to give up a love that we hold so dearly? i end now, at 1 pm to enjoy this song again... ladies and gentlemen, love has left the building.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Speed is of the essence
Wednesday morning... father was discharged at 4 am in the morning pending more investigation. at 7 am he sent the whole family to either work or school. from hougang to toa payoh to tampines and then he's back to work again at bedok... funny eh? does he worry me? yes... of course... i don't know what to say this morning while we are alone in the car. "are you feeling better?", "what did the doctor say?" all these sounds redundant after yesterday's ordeal. rather i preferred to just enjoy his presence for i know one day, just one fine day, God will take him back. looking at him, one knows the true meaning of being a man. he is a true representation of "still water runs deep". tough on the outside, sensitive inside.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Falter
sometimes in life being weak is not a sign of defeat but rather a sign of recovery. people may look lifeless and tired but deep inside, they are recovering from fatigue or even suffering. why do people cry? there may be pain beyond what the body can tolerate and what the body does is to release those pain through tears. these are all self-preservation methods that we unconsciously possessed. the body is an infinite source of knowledge and if we tap into it's secrets, the opportunities are abundant.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Penitence
This writer's blog has been suspended till further's notice due to his incapability to write anymore. The writer wishes to express his deepest regret to all readers as his writings have been of serious breach of leisure and pleasure. He realised that all that he has written are of lowest quality and wishes to suspend his blog till he has found inspirations to continue this foolish hobbie.
Thank You
Thank You
Monday, May 23, 2005
Spirit Broken and Lost
i've not blogged for almost 6 months due to no reason at all... there were too many things that happened at one time and blogging was a luxury that i couldn't afford. so now why am i here again? tough question but all i can say is i've fallen out of love... and i want to let it out of my chest. i have to break free and move on as quickly as possible. i am not going to let the pain mount me to the ground where i stand and i will not be defeated. i will move on and triumph over the trials, i have to...
this is not like the "usual" relationships where couples break up and therefore, the end of the love story. mine was more complicated, staring one attached woman and one very silly man and by now you should have known that the "silly" man is yours truly. there, in a twist of fate or rather as what Roman Catholics love to say, "the work of Lucifer's hand", i came to know a woman, pretty, petite and with very large eyes. the attachment was immediate, the desire throbbing and the lust, incomparable. everything was perfect except that she belongs to someone else. it all happened so fast, i realised that all it took was just 2 days as it started and ended as soon as saturday and sunday passed. yet, love was undeniably present and therefore tears flowed freely as our time ended. i end here for now... knowing that to continue is a waste of time. she has left and she'll never be back... yet deep down in my heart, all i wish for her is that she's happy, well and fine...
Dear, if you ever get to read this... this is for you;
"Take care wherever you are, yet i know you will. Forgive me for i cried as you left, knowing you won't want me to. Remember me not by my tears but my smile for you bring smiles to my face whenever you are around. Goodbye my love... my love, goodbye"
this is not like the "usual" relationships where couples break up and therefore, the end of the love story. mine was more complicated, staring one attached woman and one very silly man and by now you should have known that the "silly" man is yours truly. there, in a twist of fate or rather as what Roman Catholics love to say, "the work of Lucifer's hand", i came to know a woman, pretty, petite and with very large eyes. the attachment was immediate, the desire throbbing and the lust, incomparable. everything was perfect except that she belongs to someone else. it all happened so fast, i realised that all it took was just 2 days as it started and ended as soon as saturday and sunday passed. yet, love was undeniably present and therefore tears flowed freely as our time ended. i end here for now... knowing that to continue is a waste of time. she has left and she'll never be back... yet deep down in my heart, all i wish for her is that she's happy, well and fine...
Dear, if you ever get to read this... this is for you;
"Take care wherever you are, yet i know you will. Forgive me for i cried as you left, knowing you won't want me to. Remember me not by my tears but my smile for you bring smiles to my face whenever you are around. Goodbye my love... my love, goodbye"
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