Reality

today's lesson starts at 10 am but i only woke up around 9... what happened? well, you can say the "dream master" kept me busy last night. i had a recollection of my past and unknown all at once. people i've lost, people i've missed and people i do not know all came and paid me a visit last night. even the alarm clock at 6 didn't really woke up me. i mean i did get up, walked to the clock, picked it up, turn it over, switched off the alarm, walked back to the side of my bed, did a dive which will make all world class divers proud, covered my head with my pillow and entered dreamland once more.

most unforgettable scene? seeing Hong Jia... we were both at Toa Payoh Interchange (the very old one) and we were trying to board the bus when we realised that we were standing next to each other. imagine two person, shocked, staring at each other, dumbfolded and just frozed in their tracks blocking the passage of other commuters. of course we ended up talking about old times and how have we been since we've parted but seriously, i have no recollection of our conversation. i must say that "seeing" her again was weird but nice nonetheless. i have almost forgotten all about my past since my last surgery. it was said that everytime you undergo a surgery, memory cells die and you'll forget things easily. this has been very true for me and since i've gone through 9 surgeris, you can be sure my memory is faltering every single day. if i don't recognise you if you see me on the street next time, please excuse me. anyway, back to my dream... hey, er... what am i doing now? why am i here? who am i? what is this thing on my monitor? nevermind, it doesn't work this way. it's gradual process, not an instant "hit" kind.

Life, something that even scientists can't prove it's real history. why can some people still survive after a horrible accident? i read from news a few years back about a man amazingly survived even after been severed from waist down after an industrial accident. his will to live is unbelievable and i also believe that God doesn't want him to die yet... yet some people like to play God... my father, uncles and aunties just did... they've just sign my grandpa's death certificate. alright, before i make my family sounds like cold-blooded murderers, let me tell you the true story...

my grandpa has diabetes, liver problem, respirtory problems and seriously, on the brink of death. the only thing that kept him alive is constant dialysis which i know is of consistent suffering to him. yet, yet... i wish not to lose him... anyway, they have decided to stop the dialysis which means death is inevitable. maximum length of lifespan is 1 week... 1 week to prepare to say goodbye forever... 1 week to prepare for the inevitable... 1 frustrating week before i lose my grandfather... but during this 1 week, how am i supposed to face my grandpa? how am i supposed to feel? how am i supposed to pretend that everything is fine? 1 week is all i have to spend my "eternity" with him. 1 week... but now he doesn't even recognise me anymore. he may respond when we call him but seriously, he does not know who we are. he does not know Andrew, his grandson anymore... today i end my blog with a prayer;

"Lord, have mercy on my grandpa's soul. we know his time is up soon and all i have to say is please bring his soul to heaven with you. he has served his penance and paid his due for his sins. Lord Jesus, brother of mine... i have followed you for all my life though i have never been the most faithful and kind. i pray that you'll have pity on my grandpa who also have served you all his life. he has been faithful, loyal and always prayed whole-heartedly. Lord, my brother... pardon my grandpa."

"Mother Mary, mother of us all, your son is almost at the gates of heaven... he has always been faithful to the rosary, loyal to the Church and loyal to you. Mother Mary, i pray that you'll intercede with our Father to be lenient to my grandpa during his trial when he stands in front of our Father. Mother, i always come to you when things are hard to bear and i come to you again, in prayer to pray for my grandpa, amen."